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So many moments in which I should've never let you go m4w My mind travels back to so many moments...so many lost opportunities, I didn't recognize in my collegiate youth. We should've never left the magic kingdom on that night so near your birthday...we might have found the way to stretch it the duration of our lifetimes. I should've understood, then, that it was not by choice you disappeared from my life the months you did. I shouldn't have been afraid when you returned-afraid that you would disappear again. I was young too. I should've healed my arms around you as we healed into one, as we were supposed to that night you cried into my shoulder, in the parking lot beneath my apartment. I should've asked you not to fear emotion and never pull away again. I should've driven the distance to find you, after you had been silent for so long. I sshould've found my way to you, no matter what. I should've held back and been gentler the few e-mails you sent after so many years.
That cold Nov., after so many years of silence, when you wrote, I should've valued myself enough, perhaps to you still 'amazing' and as you said 'a maze' also. I should've let you decide, but. Felt so undeserving, as to this day I still think of you of the woman with the most beautiful heart.
I responded the only way I could, then. I expected you would come and find in my bungalow and that life would change. I waited expectantly, often.
Now, so many years have passed and so much turmoil has battered my soul. I have lived much I did not expect and some beyond that. I cannot say that, after so much time, we would be able to dance as we did that night in the magic kingdom-inebriated by each other, but I know that I would love to see you, and I know that the moment would melt my heart.
I write here with hopes that these words will find you, though my hope is diminished, as I have written here before,with hope to no avail. A. Plascencia, I hope time has not changed your name...

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